The other day someone put a post on Facebook saying that everyone shares the good and not the bad in their life. I think we’ve all been trained to present a version of ourselves to the world that shows we’re strong, successful and living life large.
And on the flip side, it’s implied to keep quiet about the version or ourselves that gets angry, feels rage or has a crap day.
Well…today and perhaps this past week I’ve been angry, often filled with rage and enduring crap days
I keep reminding myself that we’re in a temporary situation and it will all be over soon but just the same I still have to live through the 24 hours each day.
We’re on an adventure of a lifetime – we’re sailing around the world, however, we’re NOT SAILING RIGHT NOW! We’re laid up across from the town of Preveza, Greece with engine troubles.
Our generator, engine and even our outboard on the dinghy is out of commission
I can see Preveza but can’t get to it – the town is across the water from us. We’re actually stuck in a marina with two restaurants and a shop that sells 10 items.
There’s no place to walk to and there’s nothing to do
While on the boat, we have to listen to a massive crane haul boats out all day long. The crane drives up within 2 feed of the boat, blows exhaust and dirt all over us and makes a loud noise. Once a boat is hauled out, the attendants spray wash the hull and all you can smell is yucky fish smell. And look at the picture above – would you want to live in that mess?!?!
Alternatively, we can go hang out at the marina restaurant but the waitress there is the most miserable person I’ve seen in months. Perhaps she is a reflection of how I feel or even what I look like?
Things wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have a 4 year old to entertain
We’ve been stuck for about 10 days and have perhaps 5 more days before we can leave. So far, my daughter, Sienna, has been great. Fortunately, I got over to Preveza one day and we found a playground (with other kids) and toy store. And for a couple days she had a friend to play with at the marina.
But to say that it’s been easy to come up with ideas on how to entertain my daughter, I’d be lying. We’ve done every paper craft for kids that you can find on Pinterest. We created a TV set and I recorded Sienna doing ‘Hello Kitty News’ – 15 times! We’ve played on the toddler playground (a tiny plastic play area behind the marina) as long as I can stand it. And now whenever I hear Sienna say ‘mom, can you play with me?’ I shutter.
The whole entertainment task starts at 8am and ends around 10pm. By the time the day is over there’s no time left for me to just be by myself. And I must say that Sienna does play by herself – sometimes for hours! And when forced, my husband will take her out for a while. But I think it’s the fact that I’m constantly ‘on call’ that I’m struggling with.
To have a whole day to myself would feel like absolute bliss.
This probably sounds ridiculously petty but it’s how I feel
As far as hubby is concerned, I often find him playing a game on the Ipad and feel enraged. The boat is a mess, there are loads of things to do and learn. And when someone isn’t directing him on what to do, he plays on the Ipad. My daughter never calls hubby to play…He talks to people walking by the boat, grabs a coffee with the guys or gets to focus his attention on learning about all the repairs we’re having done.
And if I don’t make anything for lunch, we simply won’t eat
We have one guest and my husband on board and if I don’t make anything for lunch, no one else does it. And when it comes to dinner, if I don’t make anything (or source the food and recipe for hubby to cook) we go out to eat.
Man…can I get any more bitchy?
Of course, there’s the cleaning aspect but in all honesty, I actually like to clean right now. It’s the only thing I can do where I’m alone. If Sienna wants to play, I have a valid reason for saying ‘no.’
“Sorry honey, I’m in the middle of picking up dust particles on the floorboards with my tweezers…It’s going to be at least an hour before I’m done!”
I suppose I could lock myself in my bedroom and say I’m cleaning and read a book instead but overall I feel like there’s so much to do that I can’t really relax. And when I do sit down and open a book, I hear, ‘Kim – can you get that black tape?’ I just want to yell, ‘Get it yourself,’ but I don’t.
And then there’s my writing and updating my blog, doing my emails, looking at Facebook and Twitter. When people see me on the computer, they quietly say, ‘she works too much.’ It drives me nuts because getting to do my website is my version of playing an Ipad game. I like to ‘work’ and yet I get criticized about it.
Then there is the guilt that comes in
Right now we are getting the most amazing service, making new friends and sorting out our fundamental boat systems once and for all. I should be grateful and feel full of happiness.
I am grateful. VERY GRATEFUL. But I’m not happy living through it. Originally, our engine work was going to be carried out when we made it to Sicily. I have arranged for Sienna to be around other kids, we’d have a car and places to go. We just happen to bump into some amazing people that are helping is in innumerable and invaluable ways. We couldn’t pass up the opportunity. So…I’m on an adventure of a lifetime.
I’m very grateful for the amazing help we’re receiving AND I feel like crap
Sometimes I like to write articles like this to demonstrate that everything is not perfect…and it helps me to let off some steam. Thank you for listening to my rant. I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow.
My darling Kim!!! What a freakin’ nightmare – anyone would need to rant at this appalling situation. Of course, this was never going to be “plain sailing” (‘erm, sorry!) but to have this, and not to be able to escape from it must be a living hell!! Do you think I might have time to pop a few dvds in the post to you tomorrow? Does the marina even HAVE a post office? As for Sienna, she is still young enough to hopefully find this an “extra” adventure, and the promise of sailing to Italy very soon might have the desired influence on patience. If it’s sunny and warm, I’d just ignore the miserable waitress, OR try and engage her in some way – she might actually be very nice, just not happy in her job!! You could be just the tonic she needs – a new best friend, perhaps?!? As for the iPad falling overboard – well, we just don’t KNOW what happened there, do we?!?!? Big supportive hugs – this WILL end for you, and very soon, hopefully. PM me your mobile no and I will call you on my landline (it won’t cost you anything) if you fancy a chat and a friendly ear. Lovings, Kate and Tilly xxx
Oh no poor you! I can totally understand how frustrating that must be. I hope that you get everything sorted out soon so you can carry on your adventures. Sending positive happy vibes all the way from New Zealand your way!
Cheers
Viki xx
Having just lived through a one-year refit (including new engine install) while living aboard and working online from the boat, I so totally understand. Here’s what I did that helped me, maybe some of these ideas will work for you, maybe some won’t.
I declared (with advanced warning) myself one day per week off. I’d check the forecast so it wouldn’t be pouring rain, and then I’d say, “Honey, on Tuesday, I’m taking a day off from the boat, so you’ll be in charge of _________ (Fill in his additional assigned tasks) while I’m off.” Then, on Tuesday morning, I got up early (before him), put my computer, shower kit, and gym clothes in my back pack and got the heck out of there.
Honestly, there wasn’t always anywhere to go, but if nothing else, I’d claim a corner of the boat yard secretary’s reception area and sit in it for a few hours working on my laptop and ignoring people. I’d change clothes in the boatyard bathroom and go for a jog or just a two-hour walk. Sometimes I’d have to take my backpack jogging or walking with me; sometimes the secretary would let me leave it behind her desk.
At first, I made sure not to come back until dinner time (because I was training him). I’d call or text “What’s the dinner plan, Honey? I want to make sure I’m back in time.” Eventually, my once-weekly day off was engrained, and then I could spend part of it on the boat in the stateroom with the door closed “working” and not be subject to numerous intrusions for unimportant reasons (although I did have to occasionally enforce that boundary gracefully.)
At first I felt a little guilty, but then a girlfriend told me that, if I didn’t ever allow myself time to refill my “giving of yourself reservoir”, I’d eventually not have anything to “give of myself” to the people I loved. She made it sound like it was my duty to refill myself periodically. She was right.
Now that we’re FINALLY out of the boat yard, life is better. But, I’ve hung on to the day-off concept. Now, it’s more often a half-a day off. “Honey, I’m taking a work day tomorrow after breakfast until about 3pm. I’ll do dinner, but you’ll be in charge from 10 to about 3.” Oh, by the way, when speaking to my husband about it, I refer to it as a “a dedicated work day” because “day off” seems like I’m doing nothing so should be available to hold screwdrivers and flashlights or bring things to him. “Dedicated work day” means I’m actively engaged in something and not available to wait on him. So, my work consists of refilling my reservoir and writing (which is my paid work) and communicating and getting some exercise so I’m not a total bi*+ch.
Funny thing, now he also takes the occasional half-day off and I’ll be in charge of what he normally does while he disappears. It’s good for both of us.
Every couple is different and every boat is different, so if this doesn’t sound like it will work for you, don’t fret. The take-home message is that it’s totally acceptable to take some time intermittently to refill yourself. How you structure your new life to create that time is part of working out the kinks of this new lifestyle.
I know you’ll be successful at working those kinks out. In the meanwhile, know that even total strangers out here can empathize with your situation. Keep writing!
Liz, Aloha
Liz – this is amazing…thank you so very much for sharing! I’ve been doing something similar but not as a routine. I totally think that one day a week would be brilliant. I love the ‘giving of yourself reservoir,’ because I run dry too often and don’t know what’s wrong. I then spend a day by myself and feel human again. Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me. Big smiles, Kim
Sorry to hear about all the drama? I’ve about 5 years to retirement and begin my adventures. I occasionally like to hear some upsetting and negative stuff to keep my dream real. It is easy to think it’s all fun and games until you live it I guess. I guess I’m going to be a bit different though as I will only have my wife. I’ll be sure to give her some “her” time. We have a pretty defined line on who does what at home on the land, she cooks and cleans, I fix and make money. However, guess I need to rethink that.
Thanks for the article and stay sane.