The other day someone put a post on Facebook saying that everyone shares the good and not the bad in their life. I think we’ve all been trained to present a version of ourselves to the world that shows we’re strong, successful and living life large.
And on the flip side, it’s implied to keep quiet about the version or ourselves that gets angry, feels rage or has a crap day.
Well…today and perhaps this past week I’ve been angry, often filled with rage and enduring crap days
I keep reminding myself that we’re in a temporary situation and it will all be over soon but just the same I still have to live through the 24 hours each day.
We’re on an adventure of a lifetime – we’re sailing around the world, however, we’re NOT SAILING RIGHT NOW! We’re laid up across from the town of Preveza, Greece with engine troubles.
Our generator, engine and even our outboard on the dinghy is out of commission
I can see Preveza but can’t get to it – the town is across the water from us. We’re actually stuck in a marina with two restaurants and a shop that sells 10 items.
There’s no place to walk to and there’s nothing to do
While on the boat, we have to listen to a massive crane haul boats out all day long. The crane drives up within 2 feed of the boat, blows exhaust and dirt all over us and makes a loud noise. Once a boat is hauled out, the attendants spray wash the hull and all you can smell is yucky fish smell. And look at the picture above – would you want to live in that mess?!?!
Alternatively, we can go hang out at the marina restaurant but the waitress there is the most miserable person I’ve seen in months. Perhaps she is a reflection of how I feel or even what I look like?
Things wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have a 4 year old to entertain
We’ve been stuck for about 10 days and have perhaps 5 more days before we can leave. So far, my daughter, Sienna, has been great. Fortunately, I got over to Preveza one day and we found a playground (with other kids) and toy store. And for a couple days she had a friend to play with at the marina.
But to say that it’s been easy to come up with ideas on how to entertain my daughter, I’d be lying. We’ve done every paper craft for kids that you can find on Pinterest. We created a TV set and I recorded Sienna doing ‘Hello Kitty News’ – 15 times! We’ve played on the toddler playground (a tiny plastic play area behind the marina) as long as I can stand it. And now whenever I hear Sienna say ‘mom, can you play with me?’ I shutter.
The whole entertainment task starts at 8am and ends around 10pm. By the time the day is over there’s no time left for me to just be by myself. And I must say that Sienna does play by herself – sometimes for hours! And when forced, my husband will take her out for a while. But I think it’s the fact that I’m constantly ‘on call’ that I’m struggling with.
To have a whole day to myself would feel like absolute bliss.
This probably sounds ridiculously petty but it’s how I feel
As far as hubby is concerned, I often find him playing a game on the Ipad and feel enraged. The boat is a mess, there are loads of things to do and learn. And when someone isn’t directing him on what to do, he plays on the Ipad. My daughter never calls hubby to play…He talks to people walking by the boat, grabs a coffee with the guys or gets to focus his attention on learning about all the repairs we’re having done.
And if I don’t make anything for lunch, we simply won’t eat
We have one guest and my husband on board and if I don’t make anything for lunch, no one else does it. And when it comes to dinner, if I don’t make anything (or source the food and recipe for hubby to cook) we go out to eat.
Man…can I get any more bitchy?
Of course, there’s the cleaning aspect but in all honesty, I actually like to clean right now. It’s the only thing I can do where I’m alone. If Sienna wants to play, I have a valid reason for saying ‘no.’
“Sorry honey, I’m in the middle of picking up dust particles on the floorboards with my tweezers…It’s going to be at least an hour before I’m done!”
I suppose I could lock myself in my bedroom and say I’m cleaning and read a book instead but overall I feel like there’s so much to do that I can’t really relax. And when I do sit down and open a book, I hear, ‘Kim – can you get that black tape?’ I just want to yell, ‘Get it yourself,’ but I don’t.
And then there’s my writing and updating my blog, doing my emails, looking at Facebook and Twitter. When people see me on the computer, they quietly say, ‘she works too much.’ It drives me nuts because getting to do my website is my version of playing an Ipad game. I like to ‘work’ and yet I get criticized about it.
Then there is the guilt that comes in
Right now we are getting the most amazing service, making new friends and sorting out our fundamental boat systems once and for all. I should be grateful and feel full of happiness.
I am grateful. VERY GRATEFUL. But I’m not happy living through it. Originally, our engine work was going to be carried out when we made it to Sicily. I have arranged for Sienna to be around other kids, we’d have a car and places to go. We just happen to bump into some amazing people that are helping is in innumerable and invaluable ways. We couldn’t pass up the opportunity. So…I’m on an adventure of a lifetime.
I’m very grateful for the amazing help we’re receiving AND I feel like crap
Sometimes I like to write articles like this to demonstrate that everything is not perfect…and it helps me to let off some steam. Thank you for listening to my rant. I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow.