A few days ago I struck up a conversation with lady who has survived cancer twice, recently had major eye surgery, endured teaching children for over 30 years AND got her captains license. Interestingly, she was now ready for living the dream.
Now with her ‘all clear,’ she was deciding whether to get a job as a Captain or just buy her own boat and sail the seas. Money wasn’t too much of a necessity – it was more about the adventure and experience. She smiled as she contemplated her options.
I felt positive energy emanate from this lovely 55-year-old woman. It was great to see the smile of a child peak out from a face that’s not as smooth as it once was. I could also feel this sense of renewed life force. She felt that she’d been given another chance, being a double cancer survivor, and she was ready to go for it.
And then a dark cloud came overhead.
Within a second, everything was gone. The positive energy, the smile and the renewed life force.
My new temporary friend (let’s call her Jane), turned to me and said, “Yeah, my plans are exciting however I have a 93 year old mother that doesn’t want me on the water. She’ll get too scared if I go to sea and I feel like I’d damage our relationship.’
I then quizzed Jane a bit asking if she had other siblings? And yes, Jane is the middle child between four other brothers; none of which the mother ‘worries’ unduly about. I also asked, what would happen if she went without her mothers consent and the answer was, ‘I don’ know. My mother just isn’t a water person. She just doesn’t get it,’ (Which probably translates into ‘she just doesn’t get me.’)
Surely a psychologist can analyze this scenario very easily and us non-psychologists can just as well come to our own conclusions.
Mother is an excuse. A crutch.
I don’t expect to see Jane living the dream…and it saddens me to no end.
And Jane isn’t the only one that I’ve come across in a similar situation. What makes things more difficult is when elderly parents need care or are going to need help transitioning into care.
What do you do then? Postpone your dream of sailing to stay home and make sure mom/dad are okay? And once that happens, is it then time to postpone the dream due to the new grandchildren? Or perhaps, worse – time to postpone the plans indefinitely due to our own health problems?
The sad thing in all of this is that the person who is held back by an excuse really doesn’t see it as an excuse. They truly feel that they just can’t do it and matters are out of their hand.
So I’m writing to you, today, to ask you if by some small chance, you’re possibly using something as an excuse not to live your dream?
A health issue, elderly parents needing assistance, older children that might still need your help, grandchildren on their way, making just a bit more money before it’s okay to live the dream?
To snap myself out of my own excuse-making machine, I often project myself to a 90 year old woman and ask myself, ‘Kim – did you regret not _________-?’ If the 90 year old version of me says ‘yes’ then I feel the fear and do the thing I’ll later regret if I didn’t.
We all drive to work, watch TV, eat dinner and repeat. On some occasions something out of the ordinary happens and it’s usually a lasting memory, but unless we feel the fear and do it anyway, life can become too flat. I don’t want to make it to 90 and not have much to reflect upon.
Saying that, it does’t come easy for me.
Every time we go out sailing (if it’s been a while), I crap my pants. I’m shaking with nerves. Every time we enter a marina I’m scared to death we’ll hit something. During night sails I sometimes can’t figure out if the tanker is coming towards me or away and I have a panic attack.
When we’re out sailing and on the go I get way more relaxed but I want you to know that I find my lifestyle scary. A lot of times I want to go hide under my covers but I’ve found ways of forcing myself to push forward.
And every single time I do, I feel better for it. No regrets – eh?
As a side note, I’m not saying that it’s ‘okay’ to dump your parents on your siblings, tell you children that you’ll meet the grandkids after your return from you 10 year around the world trip or quit your job early. What I am saying is that excuses stop us in our tracks… If you know it’s an excuse perhaps you can then find alternative options.
For example, Simon’s dad was terribly upset when we left the UK. The guilt on Simon and I was, and to some extent, still is, high.
Not only was his only child leaving, but we were taking his only grandchild. Our daughter, Sienna, is the love and light of his life. What we did to find a way forward was to plan visits for Keith to come to the boat (when we weren’t sailing too much), and more recently we’ve had him visit us for months at a time while in America. We’ll get him a fully furnished apartment for the month. It’s low cost, Keith feels settled and we enjoy each other making new memories.
We also fly back to the UK periodically…
…and during big holidays like Christmas, we make sure we’re always together or that Keith is with family.
So…any comments, thoughts, words of advice?
If yes, I’d certainly love to hear them and I’m sure that others would too. Please leave them in the comments section below. Once you leave a comment it will be sent to me. I’ll then have to approve it before it goes live – this is to reduce spam. If an error appears, don’t worry – the comments section works ☺ Thank you in advance.
And if you’re looking for extra inspiration, please purchase my Boat Buying Guide, ‘How to live the dream – A goal setting belief changing guide’
Here’s what Jerry from NC had to say about the guide:
‘I purchased this after having this dream for years, Kim provides a step by step process in how to make your sailing dream come true. Remember a dream will never happen unless you set goals and a goal is nothing but a dream unless you take action. Kim questions / answers section as well as make a movie section helps you visualize where you want to do and helps you take action to make the goals you set become reality GREAT job Kim!’
The objectives of the ‘Living the Dream’ guide are to:
- uncover what your limiting beliefs are so you’re conscious they exist
- define where you want to go, why you want to go there, with whom and when you want to do it (plus a bit more)
- create a visual that encapsulates the dream (don’t worry – drawing is not necessary!)
- create a belief blueprint, or filmstrip, of where you are now and where you want to be
- ultimately increase your chances of living the dream
Get the guide now here: How to Live The Dream. If the guide doesn’t move you closer to living your boat buying dream, I’ll give you a full refund. No questions asked. So come on, let’s get the show on the road!